My Inner Candor
by IHeartUCato
Summary: How did Christina really feel about Al's death? R&R and ENJOY! T to be safe.


**A/N- Just a random idea I came up with. ENJOY!**

Since joining Dauntless, I've had a hard time keeping my inner Candor as, well, my _inner_ Candor. I've been struggling with not just telling everyone everything. It's been hard to hide my resentment of Tris, with her bravery and intelligence. It's been hard to just ignore Will's subtle hints about us being together. It's been hard to not point out how both Four _and _Al look at Tris; like she's the only person in the room. But the absolute hardest thing has always been hiding how much I want Al to look at _me _that way. But I can't say anything; it could ruin my only friendships.

I couldn't believe –_wouldn't _believe- that Al, sweet, sweet Al who would do anything for his friends; the same one who carried me through the Pit after we got our tattoos, that he would do something like that to Tris.

_It must've been Peter and Drew. _I had thought to myself. _They must've been manipulating him! _

But I'm wrong. He did do it. And he's sorry but Tris won't accept it. She really has no clue what she has. If they had attacked me and he apologized, I really doubt I'd be able to say no. So instead I had to pretend to think that Al is a horrible person. I had to 'protect' Tris from someone she really didn't need to be.

Until now.

I stand there staring down at the bottom of the chasm where Al's body is being pulled up by a couple of Dauntless members. I stand there gripping the railing so hard my hands turn white.

"Hey kid," A gruff voice fills my ears. "You're gonna need to move so we can pull the body over."

I look up to see one of the men who were pulling Al's bloated, lifeless corpse out of the raging waters. Something on my face –tears maybe?- and his eyes soften a bit. "Friend of yours?" I can only nod, and even then just barely. "Ah, well we all know at least one person who's jumped. I suggest you go get his other friends so you can all mourn your loss together."

That's when I remember Will and Tris. I turn and push through the growing crowd and spot Will. I run over to him. "Will-"

He just nods. He knows. "Go get Tris."

Tris. I nod and run off to the dorm. I don't care that some of the initiates are still asleep. I don't care that the ones that aren't are looking at me weirdly. I run over to Tris and look down at her lying there so peacefully while Al's body is being heaved out of the chasm. "Tris." She stirs, but doesn't wake so I try again. "Tris!" Her eyes slowly open and when she sees me and my tear and mascara stained face, her eyes widen a bit. "It's Al." I almost choke on the words. "Come on."

I grab her hand and pull her out of bed. We run through the Pit until I stop us at the edge of the crowd. There are even more people than before but there's enough room to go through. I'm just not sure I can handle it. Tris obviously thinks she can though, since she moves between the people to watch.

I don't want it to be _her_; I don't want it to be _her_ who I find comfort and solace in, _she _is the reason this is happening. But I can't help it. I need something, some_one_. So as they pull Al's bloated, lifeless body over the railing, I grab her arm and cry into her shoulder.

"One of the initiates." Someone says behind us. "What happened?"

"Same thing that happens every year," Someone else replies. "He pitched himself over the ledge."

"Don't be so morbid. Could have been an accident." I snort but end up sobbing harder. This was no accident.

And apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so. "They found him in the middle of the chasm. You think he tripped over his shoelace and... Whoopsies, just _stumbled _fifteen feet forward?"

My hand gets tighter and tighter on Tris' arm with each word he says. And I belatedly realize I might be hurting her, but then I realize that I hope I am. I hope I hurt her because if I do, it's nowhere near the amount of pain she's caused Al and _me_.

She falls to the ground and drags me down with her. She starts rocking back and forth. She starts to wheeze and I'm still sobbing and then she yanks herself out of my grip and she runs. She runs from her problems and she runs from everything she's caused. And I know she'll keep running and running and she won't stop. Because she's selfish. Because she doesn't care.

And I hate her. I hate her more than anything or anyone in this whole damn world. She is the reason that poor, sweet Albert is dead. Al, who belonged with the Amity more than with the Dauntless. Al, who only wanted to make his parents proud. I wonder how they would feel now. He wanted to make them proud and now he's gone. But it's not _just _because of them; if stupid, stupid, stupid Tris had just forgiven him then this would've never happened.

And now I know that the absolute hardest thing about keeping my inner Candor inside here, is _not _telling Tris exactly what Al meant to me and _not _telling Tris how much I hate her and how much I wish they had actually thrown her over.

**A/N- So? THE FEELS! The funny thing is, I was talking to my friend Midnight-Solace and she asked me what odd couple I disliked the most and I said Al/Christina. And then I thought of this! Review please? LOVE YA, BYE-BYE!**

**Oh, BTW if any of you have read Twilight, could you check out 'Sparks' by FantasyWisher? Thanks! Ta ta!**


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